i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
