he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
