i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
