I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
