took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
