It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
