I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
