remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
