Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We talked him into tasing himself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
