i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
