im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
