FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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