So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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