yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
