My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
