if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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