You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
