I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
