areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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