i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
