My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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