Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
