We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
