my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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