If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
