so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
