My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
