You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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