if i can run in heels then i can drive
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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