It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
