Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have tasted many bathrooms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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