The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
