Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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