if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
