I want to make a zoo with you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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