Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
