My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
