I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
