i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
