We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
