Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
