The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
