I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
