He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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