Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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