i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
