I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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