Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
