the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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