Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
