I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
